You may feel that you were stolen this first period and resent the other one deep inside which is very human Hocus Pocus in a world full of basic witches be a Sanderson shirt. Maybe you missed the time to familiarise yourself but it’s never too late or something you can’t make up for. I m not easy on suggesting this, but I think you should see someone to get you out of this, postpartum or not. Sounds like you miss out great moments on what would be, comparing your connection to the other one. I really think you need to process this illness aftermath now or you ll forever feel one step behind. Sound a very tormenting feeling to carry around being a mum.
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I don’t know if this is helpful or not, but being there like that, in the beginning, is not the only way to bond Hocus Pocus in a world full of basic witches be a Sanderson shirt. Think of children who are adopted. Even those who are there from the beginning aren’t guaranteed that “instinct”… it doesn’t always come naturally. But instead, it takes real, intentional effort… repeated effort to take advantage of the moments offered until it becomes more natural. It takes time, but the more you are intentional about it, the easier it will become. Don’t give up! It is kind of true like they say… fake it till you feel it!