I fix up my Hocus Pocus well behaved women seldom make history shirt back yard, flower gardens with little decorations, lights, I refinish stuff, like my patio table, park bench & today a 3 seat swing. I just refinished a dresser and completely redecorated my granddaughter’s room. I paint, as I painted her pictures for her room. I find a lot of joy in creating. Taken some things that were old, rusty, whatever and make them sparkle. Then there are days, it’s so hot, too hot to be outside, no ac in my truck. I’m home in my own thoughts, loneliness sits in, thoughts race. Why? What have ever done to deserve this? I just want the simple things that others take for granted? Why do I try so hard just to get knocked back down? I was/am a great mom. I care, I love, always coached, taught, never partied, worked my butt off.
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Sometimes 2 jobs to achieve Hocus Pocus well behaved women seldom make history shirt things, all my life, for what? For this? What keeps me from just going to sleep & not waking up. Is, looking over & seeing my beautiful, amazing granddaughter playing, or seeing my dogs (& my 2lb granddog) all happy, spread out around the room on their beds, or sitting outside in my beautiful back yard that I’ve created, I smile, the tears start to end..just by looking at the simple things. I will probably never have a great life, I’ve come to terms with some of us fight all our lives for nothing, while others are handed stuff, but each day I get up, dust myself off and try, one step each day, find humor where I can, look for 1 thing each day that I’m proud of, created, or makes me smile.
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